Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
