i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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