I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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