she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just blew my weed a kiss
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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