I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
this boner is exhausting
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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