You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
