My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize