considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
