i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
