I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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