Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
