I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
