so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
