my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
