And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
