she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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