I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
