A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
