my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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