Got a toothbrush?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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