i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
that's an acceptable place to lick
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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