i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
