you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize