Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
