It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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