wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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