next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
