i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
