Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
