the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
