Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
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woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
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According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!