Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
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Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
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I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...