I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.