im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
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So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.