I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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