i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
