so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
