I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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