you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
