why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
