well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
