Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
