Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
high people should be assigned attendants
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
