Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
