I think I died a long time ago.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
