And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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