Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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