yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Plan B is the new Plan A
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize