when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
