Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
