he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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