The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I FOUND THE LEGS
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
