Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
