Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
