: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Randomize
