I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
