i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
