I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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