im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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