its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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