I got chris browned last night
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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