i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
